We Framed Roger Rabbit
by LocalEccentric
Summary: I decided to myself: nobody ever heard the Toon Patrol's side of things. So I decided to interview them. Get the full scoop on their background, the real deal of what went down in '47, and the secrets behind the production. Read and review!


" **We Framed Roger Rabbit": An Interview with the Toon Patrol**

" **Transcript"- Archives of the Los Angeles Chronicle.**

 **Interviewer: Adam Paczovsky, reporter for the Los Angeles Chronicle**

 **Interviewee (s): The weasels known as "The Toon Patrol"- Smart-ass (SA), Greasy (G), Wheezy (W), Psycho (P) and Stupid (S)**

 **Interview location: The conference room of the Toontown Historical Society, Sunday August 16** **th** **1987, 11:00 AM.**

 **AP: So, boys… you five are the secondary antagonists in Touchstone's/ Disney's "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". Do you wanna tell me how all this started?**

 **SA: How /what/ started, chump: Our acting career or The Toon Patrol? You gotta be more pacific!**

 ***weasels laughing***

 **AP: I meant your acting in the movie, but I guess it'll be good to hear how /you/ guys started. Where and when were you drawn?**

 **W: Do you mind if I take a cigarette break?**

 **AP: Er… sure. But didn't you just have one… or three, rather, a few minutes ago?**

 **W:…Maybe. What's it to you?**

 **SA: Go ahead. /I'll/ be doing most of the talking anyway.**

 **AP: Okay, so…the big question: who /did/ frame Roger Rabbit?.**

 **P: We did! *giggles insanely***

 **SA: First, you gotta understand that this'll repeal some of the plot of the movie.**

 **AP: It's fine. I won't be putting everything into the article.**

 **SA: Fine then. Well, we was drawn to life in June of 1941 for work on "The Wind in the Willows"-**

 **AP: As in "The Adventures of Ichabod Crane and Mr. Toad"?**

 **SA: Yeah, that's right. Found out a few weeks ago that it was released two years after we got killed. Now before you ask how that's possible, you gotta remember that Toons are actors, and just like humans, movies get delayed!**

 **AP: Got it. This is all new to me. I've heard of Toontown, but I've never been there. You guys are actually the first Toons I've ever met. But, I'll keep that in mind.**

 **G: /I/ can't believe that humans don't know the rules about Toons! It's only been 40 years and almost nobody has heard of Toontown in Los Angeles! Sad, ain't it, jefe?**

 **SA: Crying shame! The newer Toons don't even know who we are.**

 **AP: So why did your movie get delayed?**

 **SA: It's like this: they needed to film the scenes with the weasel thugs- us- and they had the movie finished and ready to be released in December of '41; and you dismember what happened /that/ month. The outbreak of the War was only one part though. There was a little…dissident that played a big part in delaying the film.**

 **AP: What was it?**

 ***door slamming***

 **W: I'm back! *coughs***

 **G: About time!**

 **SA:…Yeah… anyway, on the sound stage next door to us, they were filming "Bambi", and Baron VonRotten -the Toon playing "Man", who was the chump that bumped off Bambi's mother- had a little abstinence on-set. Still don't know the whole story- he never told us. But he got knocked out and woke up believing he was a real villain.**

 **AP: This was covered up? By Disney?**

 **SA: Yeah. It wouldn't be the first on-set dissident that Disney had to cover up, we hear. But I can't neither confirm or deny that.**

 **G: I heard that he disappeared into Toontown's underground after that. Then he reappeared all of a sudden and robbed the First National Bank of Toontown and stole a zillion simoleons. Pretty shortly after that, we was approached by the Judge. This was early in '42. He had just bought the election for Judge of Toontown. Paid for it with a zillion simoleons.**

 **AP: Are you implying that this VonRotten guy was Judge Doom, Christopher Lloyd's character?**

 **G: We ain't saying nada, amigo.**

 **W: We gotta. This is a d # ed interview, you schmuk!**

 **SA: Wheezy's right, Greasy. The chump wants to know the whole story, so let's let him hear it!**

 ***Psycho and Stupid giggle***

 **SA: Yeah, VonRotten was Judge Doom. We didn't know about any of this until we was re-drawn a couple of days ago.**

 **AP: What happened? How did you guys die?**

 **SA: Well, do you know the plot of the movie?**

 **AP: No.**

 **SA: Basically, the Judge wanted to destroy Toontown to build a freeway. We was in on it, being his hench-weasels and all. We made Roger Rabbit the patsy in this and framed him for the murder of Marvin Acme, the guy that owned Toontown, and had Eddie Valiant- Bob Hoskins' character- going in circles trying to figure out what happened! It was the funniest thing!**

 ***Weasels laugh maniacally***

 **SA: And… how he killed us was like this: Valiant did a song and dance bit that had us rolling on the floor. These mugs died laughing while /he/ kicked me into a vat of Dip.**

 **AP: What is this Dip stuff?**

 **P: *Giggles* Dip's the stuff we used to kill Toons!**

 **W: It's a mix of paint thinners. It dissolves a Toon instantly! Doom used it publically a lot, like when he dipped that gopher in the Acme factory.**

 **P: They changed it in the movie to a Toon shoe. I liked the gopher better! You could hear the gopher pleading and shrieking!...**

 **SA: So Doom killed old man Acme and we framed it on Roger Rabbit. And we ain't telling you no more than that: you'll have to see the movie if you wanna know how we did it!**

 **G: Ohhh! I remember that night like it was yesterday! Doom had us search for Marvin Acme's will when we had Valiant and Jessica Rabbit tied up, and /I/ personally frisked her!** **¡Qué una mujer** **!** **¡Tetas** **que entran en** **la habitación** **antes que ella** **!**

 **SA: Yeah, and when you copped your feel, you got a leg trap stuck on your hand!**

 ***Stupid guffaws***

 **G: It was still the best night of my life, jefe!**

 **AP: Smartass is right. Maybe I'd better see what happens in the film. If it's as funny as you say, I'd like to find out for myself. Why don't you five tell me more about what you did for Judge Doom?**

 **SA: Never thought you'd ask! Well, first, we gotta explain the rest of the Judge's backstory. He was nuts, yeah, but a genius. He also dropped the piano that killed Eddie's brother, Teddy. He offered us a job and we took it. All seven of us.**

 **AP: I thought there were only five of you?**

 **SA: Well, yeah. They broke from the group in '45. Our brothers, Slimy and Flasher weren't seeing eye to eye with the Judge, so they quit. They're still alive. We don't talk to them no more.**

 **AP: And the movie's set in 1947, right?**

 **W: Yeah. 40 years ago today, actually. Acme was killed the 15** **th** **, and Doom and us got killed at around midnight on the 16** **th** **.**

 **SA: So what happened to start it all was the fact that we /hated/ Disney. Walt drove us like slaves! He even made us wear these ugly costumes for the film. You do /not/ come between me and my suit! That's when we knew that acting wasn't for us.**

 **SA: *fainter* If this next bit gets out, we'll personably make sure that your interview with us never gets out! This is private and we don't want it known.**

 **AP: It won't leave this room. I swear!**

 **SA: The truth is, we miss the time we spent with Doom. He changed our lives! We weren't meant for acting.**

 **G: You have to understand, hombre… you don't know what went on back then in the animation studios. They worked us to the bone!**

 **S: But, Greasy! We don't have bones!**

 **SA: We might not have bones, Stupid, but you're /still/ a bonehead!**

 ***Weasels laugh***

 **SA: Anyway…We had a chance to be more than two-bit actors resigned to be slaves to Disney. You couldn't- and you still can't- get your contract signed over to another studio. Once you're drawn by Disney, you're owned by Disney for life! So what we did was quit and showed Disney… Hell, we was gonna show all of Toontown who you don't push a Toon over the limit!**

 **G: I remember those five happy years. Dipping Toons… the salary… our car!**

 **P: Dipping Toons was /my/ favorite part! *Psycho giggles***

 **SA: We broke the idea that Toons are JUST reposed to be actors or entertainers or waiters! We had a job, a job that woulda gone to a human, and it our salary was paid by the great City of Angels!**

 **AP: You mean you had human money?**

 **W: Yeah, but it was converted to simoleons. It wasn't much, but we were richer than even the better-paid Toons.**

 **S: I…uh… I remember the car! The city gave us the car, right boss?**

 **SA: Yeah! The car was a official car from the city. Even had the city's seal on it, and an "Exempt" plate so we wouldn't get pulled over by human cops.**

 **AP: What was your job, really? Like, what did you guys /do/ as the Toon Patrol?**

 **G: Our jobs were- as the city papers defined it as- to be specialty agents in an "extraneous agency of the law designed, not affiliated with the current Toontown precinct, to detain any and all law-breaking Toons and report them to the Toontown Police Department or to the current chief jurist of Toontown, to be dealt with in full accordance of the law of the district under legal control of the City of Los Angeles, known as Toontown."**

 **AP: That's impressive! Did you have all that memorized?**

 **G: You better believe it, hombre! You don't forget something as pompous-sounding as that!*He chuckles***

 **SA: What we actually did was raids and retainments in a lot of Toon's homes. Any serious troublemakers were given a /real/ quick and speedy trial and then Dipped. The raids were always feared by Toons. We'd burst into homes and examine the joint, looking for any sign of trouble. Doom even approved the signing of a law that banned soda pop!**

 **W:It's the one human drink that Toons could handle without pulling that old "steam engine smoke-out-of-the-ears" bit. Alcohol usually does that, and that was left legal so Doom could charge them with disturbing the peace and Dip or jail them.**

 **G: Bugs Bunny and Pepe LePew often threw lavish parties that we were 98% sure had soda pop shipped in from Los Angeles, and we raided their mansions often, but we never found so much as a drop! But we knew! We could smell it!**

 **SA: When we made any arrests, the holding cell of our truck was packed full of criminal Toons! Those were the days… we controlled Toontown's underground. All the Toons respected and feared us, and now? They don't even know who we are!**

 **AP: What do you intend to do once you're done with filming the movie?**

 **W: We're almost done, and this time we actually have a good salary because this is a high budget film. But we don't have many job offers.**

 **SA: He means that nobody'll hire us. All the old-guard Toons hate our guts. We have one offer as secretaries at T.P.D, and we think we'll take it. It's the one job that nobody wants to do because of the work, but it's the highest paying job there because of it.**

 **AP: Why can't you just get work as actors?**

 **SA: It's the same with a lot of Toons. Many of us are drawn for one specific role, and once our movie or television program ends, they don't need us. But Toons like Bugs and Mickey… they can act as a bunch of characters. If you wanted to have a Toon movie version of "Gone With the Wind", you could get any one of the famous Toons as a lead.**

 **S: But they don't like us! *Sniffles***

 **W: *Coughs* *Wheezes* It ain't that they don't like us! They just don't need us no more because they don't make anything with weasels in it anymore. That's where *wheezes* we woulda been if we never quit. We're type casted as thug weasels, so any time they need thug weasels, they would have had to call on us.**

 **AP: But aren't there Toons that are character actors, and some that actually /are/ their characters? I heard that once.**

 **SA: Yeah. It's like with Bugs or Mickey… you can have them act in a Toon version of any movie. They'll add their own personality to the role for the laugh, but they're character actors. But the Toons like Br'er Fox and the Big Bad Wolf, they /are/ their characters. They're the Toons that don't make it.**

 **AP: What happens to Toons that don't make it? Do you think that'll happen to you?**

 **SA: Sometimes, forgotten Toons just disappear. Poof! Ever hear of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit?**

 **AP: Who's that? Roger's father?**

 **SA: Nah. He was a real early Toon. He was Mickey before Mickey was drawn! But he was fired by Disney and displaced by Mickey Mouse in the late '20s.**

 **AP: What happened to him?**

 **SA: Nobody knows. His last movie was in the late '30s. I bet you gotta be b.o.f.f.i.n in Disney to know what happened to /him/.**

 **AP: B.o.f.f.i.n?**

 **SA: Slang from the War years. Means "Back office intelligence". "In-the-know", kinda. And you'll never guess what.**

 **AP: What?**

 **SA: Acme's will left Toontown to the Toons- that's why we wanted it, so the Toons wouldn't get no legal hold on Toontown so Doom could own it and destroy it- and we come back after pushing up daisies for 40 years to find that Disney now owns Toontown!**

 **AP: What?!**

 **W: Yeah! *Wheeze* Disney got the majority of Toons to sign over Toontown to them! Since the majority of Toons in Toowntown are Disney characters, it was majority rules! We're trying to get that changed. As much as we can't stand Toontown, none of us wanna see *Cough* /Disney/ in control of Toontown.**

 **G: Put that in your article. We want the public knowing about this.**

 **AP: Aside from that, what is Toontown like today?**

 **SA: The part you'll see in the movie is called Old Toowntown today. Tons more Toons have been drawn, and neighborhoods are getting built every day. Lucky Toon physics can make Toontown as big as it needs to be, or it'd been over-populated long ago. The newest neighborhood they're planning is for a show that ain't been released yet. Some badly-drawn family named Simpson are getting their own show. It'll never last.**

 **AP: Are you worried about Toons being animated using computers? Pretty soon, hand-drawn animation won't be used anymore, they're saying.**

 **SA: Why should it? All Tonns have a home in Toontown. That's what was put in Acme's will. Just about every Toon knows that be heart.**

 **AP: How does Toontown today compare to what you knew in the '40s?**

 **G: It's bigger… new-looking buildings that don't even have faces line some of the streets!**

 **W: Nobody in New Toontown sings… though that's a good thing. If I have to hear "The Merry Go Round Broke Down" or "Hungarian Rhapsody" one more time I'll go nuts!**

 **SA: There are also districts based on what era the Toons was drawn in; that's new. I hope in the '90s they change that.**

 **AP: So… we've discussed how you were drawn, what you did for Doom, how you died, a little part of the movie's plot, and the current situation in Toontown..**

 **SA: Any more questions, chump?**

 **AP: Yeah. What do you think of the movie?**

 **P: /I/ don't like the fact that we can't use real Dip!...But the man playing the Judge looks just like the real Judge!**

 **SA: Mixed feelings, I repose…We hate the fact that we gotta re-exact our deaths- even if it's acting, it's still not fun- and the fact that they cut some of the funnier things that happened in the film. But we like the fact that people and Toons will know who we are again!**

 **AP: What kind of funny things were cut out?**

 **SA: Aside from our brothers that ain't even /mentioned/-**

 **P: And the scene with the gopher!**

 **SA: ….Yeeeahhh…. and that… also, the time we drew a Toon pig's head on Valiant, Judge Doom's mini-trials where he had a little bag he opened that had a jury box of kangaroos that always said the Toon was guilty-**

 **G: A /literal/ Kangaroo court!**

 **SA: And Judge Doom's vulture, Voltaire. He did a lot of the dirty work for Doom ,too.**

 **AP: I see. Do you recommend that people go and see the movie? Would you say it accurately represents what happened 40 years ago?**

 **SA: Yeah. We want people to see the movie. Much as we hate being Disney's playthings again, it's still true to what really went down.**

 **AP: What's production like? What do they do on stage and how is a Toon drawn?**

 **SA: Production is…interesting. Most Toons have photographic memories, and they had the Toons who were there- us too- write most of the script. To make sure it was as close to what really happened as possible.**

 **AP: But what about the Toons themselves? How does this blend of live action and animation work? Why are there voice actors if you guys act the part live?**

 **G: Toons sometimes need their voices changed, because with us older Toons, they start to fade- kind of like a worn out record. So if you hear names like Charles Fleischer and David Lander, they were some of los** **actores de voz** **famosos** **that re-did some of the voices for the Toons. And they sometimes give the voices off-set when one of the Toons is sick or can't come to the studio that day, and they hand-animate some of them back in.**

 **S: They use puppets, too! I like the puppets!**

 **W: Yeah. They used a lot of puppets, especially during the scene in the Ink and Paint Club because the Penguin waiters were on strike. They had a stage built, and the trays that they carried were… hold on… *coughs*… on sticks that the… puppeteers *Wheeze* controlled from beneath. Then the penguins were animated over that.**

 **G: Charles Fleisher did mine and Psycho's vices for this film, in addition to Roger's. When we were re-drawn a few months ago, he matched our original voices.**

 **AP: Who was your original voice actor?**

 **G:** **Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha III** **. You may know him as Desi Arnaz.**

 **AP: I never knew that!... But how is a Toon drawn to life? That's the one thing everyone will want to know.**

 **W: They use *cough* a multiplane camera to animate a Toon. *Wheezes* It takes a picture of each frame of a Toon, or of a scene, and *Hacks* projects and animates it.**

 **G: Foley artists are used to give a Toon sounds when they move, and voice actors give the Toon a voice. The rest is… a bit complicated. Nobody really understands cartoon physics.**

 **SA: You got any more questions, bub? We gotta go soon.**

 **AP: Yeah. Only a few. What does it feel like to be a Toon?**

 **SA: What does it feel like to be a human, chump? We're just as alive as you are even though we're maid out of ink and paint!**

 **G: We got weight, depth, and texture. We eat, we can drink and breathe-**

 **W: And smoke.**

 **G: And we can feel, too. Emotions. Pain. But not as much as humans do.**

 **AP: I never thought about it like that. I hope that question wasn't bigoted.**

 **SA: It's fine. Nobody ever does. They just think of us as puppets. They expect Toons to entertain and act, and that's why we did what we did! We wanted to end that town and everything it stands for. Now we're stuck in the system all over again. Roger and Jessica Rabbit, too. They switched from Maroon Cartoons to Disney. *Snorts* Big mistake. Now we're all in the same boat.**

 **AP: Do you think that 20, 30 years from now this movie will still be popular? That they'll know who any of you are?**

 **SA: There's no doubt they'll remember Jessica! What a hot tomato /she/ is! But us… unless fans make us popular, I don't know what'll happen. It'll be the same as being Dipped only we'll be alive and kicking. Everybody hates the villains.**

 **AP: I thought everybody loved a Disney villain. That whole "It's good to be bad" thing and all.**

 **SA: Well…We /are/ bad. And we love it! You'd better not forget it!**

 **AP: Just one last question before I end this session.. If you could change anything about yourselves and what happened, would you?**

 **SA: Hell no! You know, kid, this little chat of ours made me realize we forgot what we really are; bad guys. I wouldn't change a thing!**

 **AP: And you guys?**

 **G: Nada, amigo. I'm happy with the way we are.**

 **W: Nope.**

 **S/P: Nu-uh!**

 **SA: /I/ got one thing to say, though, before we vamoose.**

 **AP: What is it?**

 **SA: No matter what job we end up in, you all gotta know that we'll /always/ be the Toon Patrol, and nobody'd better forget that! This'll teach 'em not to rub us the wrong way.**

 **AP: Is that some sort of threat aimed at… everybody?**

 **SA: Take it whatever way you want, chump. Just know that we ain't gonna take nothing from nobody. We're gangsters with badges, and we're not gonna be pushed around by the Big Wigs any more. Either they accept us in Toontown, or we find some way to show 'em we mean business!**

 **S: Yeah! We mean business! We're gonna open a bakery! Or…or maybe a car wash!**

 **W: Oh, Stupid…. That ain't what the boss meant!**

 **S: Oh… uhhh….. what kind of business did he mean, then, Wheezy?**

 **SA: Never mind what I meant! It'll be scarier if we don't pacify what we meant!**

 ***Chair scraping***

 **SA: Come on, boys! Let's am-scray! We have to be back at the studio at 1.**

 ***Door opens. Slams***

 **AP: Thanks for letting me interview… you! And they're gone.**

 ***Door Opens***

 **SA: Oh, believe me, kid… the pleasure was /all/ ours! *Laughs***

 ***Door slams. Sound of glass breaking***

 **(End of Interview)**


End file.
